the ocean breathes

fuck the world. my badass karma is kicking my ass. the people i used to run and vent to, i can't trust + they're annoying as fuck. they act like they know what they're talking about. YOU FUCKING DON'T. get it got it good. you no longer know me & you're getting on my nerves. you try to talk smart but there is no point, it just pisses me off. nigga you're annoying me i'm not even joking we are supposedly best friends but i can't stand you. what the fuck happened to me?

so i'm taking major religions & its talking about the stage in life your in (kohlburg?)
- money
- success
- helping others
- spirituality

.. can't i have it all? so to find the stage youre in youre suppose to pick which one makes you happy. what if smoking is what makes me happy? where on the scale is that kohlburg? what if sleeping makes me most happy? family? friends? wiifit? music? .. yeah i think you needa rethink the stages. kthanks.

to be honest, nothing makes me happy anymore. today i gave away a good majority of my clothes to even out my bad ass karma. but then again. i don't understand karma. what if its my duty to make sure everyones life is hell? what if thats god's plan for me to talk shit? suddenly i stop & the world will shatter. karma doesn't make sense to me anymore, if i do good all my life i might not experience happiness or rewards till my next life? .. can i just repeatedly kill myself till i'm happy with that life? &my teacher was talking about how you picked your family and you have a purpose here on earth to learn something new until you reach some indian word. moksha? i don't remember & i don't give a fuck i'm not indian. but for real? soooo abortions? i picked my family & decided to kill one off? i don't get it.

and if you needa go through one stage to get to the next & can't skip em? that doens't make sense. when i was younger i used to love helping people & taking care of my family volunterring (christian action!??! wtf was i thinking) & suddenly i'm all about money & materialistic shit. &can't you go backwards? if i find success in something can't that make me materialistic & lava money?

nothing makes sense to me, i'm not gunna try to further explain myself i have a 2.4 if you don't get it you have to be mentally retarded.

oh wait wait so i went to confirmation yesterday & the topic was abortions & i was praying the slideshow was not on hangers hahahhahahah is that cruel i laugh at shit like that? & i realized i don't think i have the heart to get an abortion. i used to be all for it prochoice blah blah. but realistically if i get pregnant sometime soon fuck yeah i'd have gotten a abortion but then i thought about how cute my fatassazn baby(s) would be. how could i throw that away? that made me hella sad until my teacher asked what pro-life means & the nigga behind me said professional life. & i started laughing.

then my other dumbassteacher ( who should shut the fuck up) asked what bible meant when she didn't know, if you're trynna teach me something & i'm paying you PLEASE know the answer to your own question. not to mention the other dumbfuck that said santo nino means 9 days of prayer. good lord. GOOD LORD. please god help the world. PLEASE.

on a brighter note melissa & me hung out & i lava her for that, she made my day.
oh & anthony (: thanks my dear. thanks for texting me this morning hoping i do well (:

eye yah. i'm depressed again & i don't care anymore i'll do what i want & i no longer have a need to impress you or make you laugh. if i'm quiet don't bother. kcool?

<3 ash bay lay please come to me. fuck school.